Through · The · Looking · Glass

I can't sleep. Angie made me a dirty Chai-Latte tonight after we closed, so I'm wired. But, there's nothing else to do but sleep. The house is full of boxes and empty space and nothing more. My room at my parents is pretty much prepared for my return, I feel very much like a nomad of the past, but not so much...since I'm moving my Wii, cameras, and computers instead of just nuts, berries, and the ones I love. I wonder what it would be like to pick up and leave EVERYTHING behind.
I've been getting responses from my graduate school applications. Yale and Tyler School of Art sent me my rejection letters, while Columbia College of Chicago called me to welcome me into the program. I'm going to go to Chicago with my brother on April 10th to visit and see the school. I'm excited and apprehensive. It's a step! I hope I don't slip and fall. I'm still waiting for responses from ICP-Bard and Washington State and I'm a nervous ball of energy. I would like to have a choice...because we all know how well I do with choices. Hah.
Recently I finished reading Let Me In by John Ajvide Lindqvist. It was definitely a breath of fresh air after reading the Twilight series. I like the darkness, the seriousness, the undertones of the animalistic aspect of humanity. It was horrific and touching, a perfect vampire romance for it's rawness and realistic struggle. It wasn't all sparkles and apples. Though, it was very disturbing at parts I really appreciated the twist to the storyline and that aspect really defined this idea of "true love" and what it means to really love someone despite their unnatural or all too human qualities. I definitely recommend it to anyone who thinks they have the stomach for some true horror and gore and can handle the overall atmosphere of a true bleak isolated winter. But, it's good...and lovely. Not my favorite book, but a very good vampire novel none-the-less.
I guess I'll try and sleep now.

I'm worried about money! That I'm not going to be able to save a lot this year. I should put my $200 check I got from Stivers into my savings but I don't have that much money in my checking so what do I do??? Sheila says it'll be okay, but I worry all the time. How much money should I have saved up? I don't know. I got an application for The Pub last night...Books & Co doesn't pay me enough and it doesn't look like they have any intention to. I'm going to apply for Starbucks too. I'm scared to apply there though, they're usually filled with hipsters and I like the people at Books & Co.

I need a Halloween costume. I cannot find a Harley Quinn costume anywhere or even a means to modify one into looking similar to hers. I found a girls Jester costume at Foys but it was purple and yellow. Ew. And I don't want to buy it offline because I DID find a Catwomen costume that's made by the same people and oh my god did I look terrible in that. It was even too short, which was weird. And it was a medium that apparently fits sizes 10-14. Bullshit. So I'm weary that the Harley Quinn costume would fit similarly. I did find a cute costume at Halloween Express...it was called Tina the Target and it was a freak show thing where I would have been the girl that they throw knives at...yea except that I got hit with a few of them. I was really excited about it but the costume looked horrible on me. Not as bad as the Catwoman one did though...

I also need to get a show. I need one really, really badly. I think about it day and night. How to go about it. How do I get it. I'm going to the Oregon District galleries in a little bit to inquire.

Then there's grad school. I need to be done with the application process except for my letter of intent and my portfolio by November 1st, that's my deadline.

I'm so stressed. Look for my exciting new work on my blog this week. Sigh.

Quarantine is the scariest movie I've seen in a long, long time.

Cillian Murphy is beautiful.

I need groceries.

I won't be able to watch True Blood till Sunday. :(

I once had a lot to say, but now I forget.

I narrowed down my Graduate schools: Milton Avery (Bard), Royal College of Art, Columbia, Yale, and the University of New Mexico. I start my application process tomorrow (hopefully)

I had a very successful photoshoot with Juliana last weekend and I found myself a perfect place to shoot this entire project. It's an abandoned mansion and I think I'm in love. Josie posed for a few pictures and I think she genuinely enjoyed it, although she'd never admit it. This coming weekend I'll be going back down, back to the mansion, but this time with a bunny mask and a croquet set. Keep an eye out for updates on my blog for these...although I have like 3-4 more updates before this one will even happen. I need to get on it.

I was harassed by a handicapped man at Books&Co. It made me feel uncomfortable. He took my genuine concern for his well-being and my willingness to help others to kiss me on the cheek. It might have been cute otherwise, but this guy is just a huge creep. And if I don't know you or talk to you I don't want you doing that to me...invaded my intimate space. I was thoroughly weirded out and what's worse is that he's a regular at Books&Co which means I'm going to eventually have to see him again. Why do I attract nothing but CREEPS???

In other Books&Co news...I am now a merchandiser and I open ALL THE TIME. This has it's pros and cons, but I think it's ultimately a good thing...it gets me to bed earlier and up earlier and I have more time to do things. Although, I did not receive any sort of raise and I'm really kind of irked by this. I'll bide my time before I start to complain to Marj and John...by the time I get a raise it'll be too late anyway...I'll be leaving by then. No one came to The Secret Life of Bees book club and I had to turn down the Dayton Literary Peace Prize event that's going on...well, now because I had to do merchandising stuff today. And Junot Diaz was there!! I did get to hear him speak in the store while I set up our first Christmas feature in the drive aisle...sick.

So it's been three days since the wind hurricane bent most of Ohio over the table and we're all surely but slowly getting power back. But, Stivers has been out of school since Monday and now I'm losing money. I can only hope that tomorrow we're all back online and at least I only lost one days worth instead of two. It's bizarre...I really need to drive by Stivers and see if a tree fell right through the building or what because this is getting ridiculous.

Now because of my lack of class this morning I did have a really good night last night. Bekah, Chris, Pope, Rick, Jason, and I played Star Wars Episode I monopoly and because I handed over power to my GOP brother Queen Amidala RULED ALL WITH AN IRON FIST! At least that's why he claims to have won...doesn't really appear the Republicans are going a good job with finances in this country, but maybe they're better at playing games. We watched Spaceballs and 28 Days Later and I drank a lot and it was fun.

So I added more grad schools to my list of possible applicants. Why? I don't know...it just made my life a hell of a lot harder and I can't make a decision...

Two schools I know are definitely staying on the list are as follows...
Milton Avery (Bard)
Royal College of Art

The rest are up in the air, they all have their pros and cons but I am just horrible at decisions! I really need to have a meeting with Joel and Sean about this...but I feel silly asking because it is my place to make these decisions for myself, not theirs. Well, here are the other six...
Columbia College (Chicago)
Tyler School of Art
Cranbrook Academy of Art
RISD
Yale
University of New Mexico

I don't think I'm going to apply to both Yale and RISD...probably one or the other and do I really want to go all the way to New Mexico? I'm not even that fond of Western USA...but maybe I'd fall in love with it if I was there for graduate school. And Cranbrook...I didn't see much that I liked in the student work (from what 4 images I saw so far) but their visiting artist list is impressive...I'd love to work with someone like Todd Hido. All I know is that I can't afford the $400 it's going to take to apply to all eight...and eight seems a bit much. Even six is pushing it...Ideally I'd like to get it down to 5. 8 is my lucky number though, maybe if I sucked it up and applied to all 8 I'd get into all 8 and with scholarships! Haha...5 I need 5, I can afford 5.

HELP!!!

Those winds were insane. We have power here, but my parents and many many others are still without it. Dayton Public and almost all of the other schools in the area have called off for a second day in a row and at the gas pumps...it's the apocalypse. It's amazing the damage that was caused and even more amazing that The Greene seemed to be the only place in a 20 mile radius that still had power on sunday and today. So everyone came to the Greene to be in the light!! It's funny how people can't just sit there in the dark with one another and entertain themselves...I feel as a race there is something that we're missing that we all flocked to the bookstores and restaurants. I found the darkness and quiet to be almost soothing...really. It was nice. Candice and I sat out on her porch and talked. The city of Dayton still had power but all of it's neighborhoods were out and because of the cloud cover all the lights from the sky scrappers (okay, from THE sky scrapper) reflecting off the clouds and the neighborhoods surround it were so dark it made it very light outside, like it was 6AM when really it was only midnight. A bit eerie, but again something I liked. Something I'll remember. A moment I might wish for at a later time. I ended up reading The Secret Life of Bees out loud to her while she packed up her apartment (oh yea...bad news Candice is moving out of the Oregon District and I'm really sad about it). Today was even busier. People just couldn't stand it...it was kind of scary actually. They were really paying us $15 a discount card because Caribou Coffee and Panera Bread turned off their free Wi-Fi so that they could get it in our store. But, I did make $7 in tips today in the cafe so I guess it was nice. On sunday I had one of our porch umbrellas hit me in the head. I'm talking about the kind of umbrella you put out on a table. I big fucking umbrella. Surprisingly it didn't hurt much after the initial hit. My brother Jason's roof started to tear off and I guess there was a tree that fell in his street...cutting through a car like butter, right in half. But, we're all okay and everyone is safe. It was an interesting thing to experience. I almost liked it...I love the wind and to feel it that powerful that it could rip the trees from the ground and carry me away, it was exhilarating.

I have no obligations tomorrow and I'm wishing that I was out enjoying a night free from the worry of having to get up early and do something. But, alas everyone else in my small circle of friends here has jobs and such to worry about tomorrow. So here I am. Sitting. Alone. Hot. I suppose I'll finally finish Loving Frank before heading to bed...

So I'm pretty sure I'm going to be getting promoted to a merchandising position at Books & Co. I hope this means a raise and although I asked for one when approached about taking over sale books I don't think I'm going to demand so much for the merchandising position. I like doing it and I'm good at it and I don't find it hard or stressful as I'm sure I would with sale books...I'm just putting good faith in the corporation to give me at least a little bit of a raise since the girl who I'm replacing made like a whole dollar more than me an hour. But, I'm doubtful...at least I'll enjoy it. This also means that I'll probably be closing a lot less which I am definitely not going to be complaining about. I wonder who they'll give sale books to...

I'm going to start taking every other weekend off until November or am going to take a vacation in October at Books&Co to work on a photography project that has recently settled into my imagination. I'm really excited about it because I think it will yield strong results that I can include in my graduate applications and I haven't felt this sure that my work is going to be pretty decent this time around since Junior year. We'll see...I also have another idea just sitting on the back burner right now which I think Bekah will help me with (aka model) and that could also be a good turn out. Yikes! I have to start on the application process starting this Monday, I can feel the butterflies and nausea already.

Next book: The Secret Life of Bees

Whew! Today has been hectic...it's so much easier to teach with two people there instead of just myself...I always lose track of time and make my students late for their next class. I'm sure other teachers hate me completely. Today in the midst of of students handing me canisters to take apart after they had finished loading their film one of my students who had ruined his film the previous day handed me his film and asked me what I'd like him to do with it...Well, being 2nd period and still early in the morning I went ahead a took his canister apart...big mistake. I exposed his film to light and ruined his second roll of film! I felt so so bad. But, I got him some new and had him take another roll outside stating that well...at least he'd be able to see what fogged film would look like...whoops.

Yesterday Robert and I gave a talk to our Advanced students how we'd really like them to make their work more personal...more emotional and about the self. During the talk Robert got kind of emotional explaining how his work is a direct reflection of himself and I actually cried in front of the students talking about my Sophomore year in college when I began to take photographs which were basically self-portraits of my internal struggles, envies, melancholy, and love. I told them photography saved me life and I choked up really badly. It was kind of embarrassing, but freeing at the same time. I've never referred to photography as a saving grace for me...but it was...I had fallen into a deep dark hole that year and it really was the light that aided me clawing my way out. Joe and I had a really good talk about art that night and about photography, painting, and literature and how it changes depending on how you've changed...I can't really put it into words, but it was a good talk. He made me feel a little more confident about grad school.

Another exciting thing happened too! Last night I got an e-mail from another artist from Austin Texas who is putting on a show of Austin and Dayton photographers and videoraphers in the Oregon District. The theme is all about place and it seems like a good fit for me. Sean and Susan had recommended me to her...I'm really excited that she'll want me to be in the show. This could be one of the best things that's happened to me in a long while :)

Yay fridge gets fixed tomorrow! (we hope) and Ale Fest is this weekend...more good news :)

This past weekend has been pretty fun. My 5 year High School reunion was last night and I had a pretty good time. I worked during the day so I was unable to attend the picnic portion, but apparently few were so I wasn't missing much. Mike and Steph got into town and we got to have a nice dinner at The Cheesecake Factory before picking up Megan and Rachel to head to the bar. It was a pretty poorly planned reunion at a bar that our class president currently works at, but there were a few good people I was glad to see again...some that I didn't expect to like so much. I don't remember much because of the buzz of alcohol in my head but there was some kind of fight, Monica was there (BFF 4 EVA from babyhood through elementary), and there were a few coveted conversations mostly over the smoke of cigarettes that I was pleasantly pleased and surprised by. Stake and Shake finished out the night (how classy). It's weird how you don't notice something for so long and then you do, but it's kind of too late by then.

Well, it was fun anyhow and Tanks is how I started the day today ended it with closing in the Cafe (which I have never done) and I didn't get all my duties finished up with. Oh well. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

Oh wait...one of my coworkers came over to me today and was talking about how he lost all his words when he saw this "hot girl" (aka tall and skinny with a well-proportioned face) looking for the Batman graphic novel...The Long Halloween. He said there weren't a lot of girls around like her...who were into that kind of stuff AND hot. I laid into him that he could find a lot of girls who were into "that kind of stuff" and being tall and skinny does not make you the epitome of beauty. I told him to open his eyes to more than the physically stunning by the all-knowing standards of society and he might just FIND someone attractive instead of gaping at the only shinny penny on the street absentmindedly. Girls like that get all the glory for what I've been interested in and doing since I was old enough to walk. I should have been born in the Victorian Era I suppose.

So tonight at work I was minding my own business, putting away some magazines that some Beavercreek yuppie trash left for me to clean up after they were done looking at it. Like we're some kind of over-glorified magazine library. Anyway so I was doing that when I catch this really really cute guy looking at me. I smile politely, as does he. Then he starts talking to me asking me all these kind of weird and deep questions about what kind of music I like and are there examples and what I do for fun and what my photographs are all about. I felt like I was telling me life story right then and there. I find out that he has just recently moved back to the Dayton area after being at Naval training camp or some jazz. So we talk some more about work and movies and the like...he keeps coming back after I finish ringing people up on the register and starts talking again. He says he came to the bookstore looking for something interesting and that he found it (what kind of line is that?) Anyway he asks for my number and I give it to him...he then persists by saying that after I get off work we should go catch a movie. What kind of movie is showing that late? Well, we could rent one he says. I asked where he lives, he says with his parents (joy). Um, maybe? I'd rather...you know...get lunch or something that seems kind of abrupt...he asks about where I live and stuff so I start asking more about him. Apparently he is about to be shipped off to the Persian Gulf in a few days. Oh, great. I know exactly what this was all about. Boy wants some booty before getting shipped over seas. Unfortuatelly he's barking up the wrong tree, but I was still not 100% against getting lunch or something one day before he leaves...who knows what could happen. Then we get talking about schools, high school in particular, and we find out that we graduated from the same high school! I thought he looked familiar! Then I come to find out, after revealing my graduation year, that he graduated in 2007. Great. First guy to ask me out on a date in sooo many months and he's fresh out of high school and being shipped off to Persia in a couple of days. Like the moth to a flame...

I'm just hoping he's not creepy/crazy cause he kind of knows around where I live.

I hate those days when you're so lethargic and tired you feel like you've done nothing. Today has been one of those days. I even updated my blogspot and scanned new photographs and everything but I feel like I've done nothing! Probably because I took these photographs I just uploaded in like what? March? And I have more to scan, but I didn't scan any more because it takes me so long to magic erase all of the dust on my negatives and scanner. I don't know what happened to the glass part on the bottom of my scanner but its horrible and I don't know how to clean it :( I'll clean it with glasses cleaner tomorrow maybe...than scan the stuff I took at my grandma's house on Thursday (they redid her entire house so I revisited it to take photographs of all the color that was lost) My negatives are scattered everywhere...all over my house and my parents house and I'm about to freak out because I just can't get anything done photography-wise. I can't. I don't know why. I wish I was going back to school this fall instead of next...I'm so weary I won't get in...I don't know why. I have undeveloped rolls of film from June of Juliana and Megan and I haven't---argh! I am annoyed with myself right now. It's so hot up here but I can't bring myself to close the windows and turn on the air because I like to hear the sounds of outside and it costs me money. I need to get off my ass and stop making excuses! I will produce another body of work of at least 10 images!!! BY OCTOBER!!! I WILL!! Or at least December...

Bekah put a pillow on top of Tress while he is sleeping and it's still there...on top of him...almost an hour later. He's got to be hot.

In other news...yesterday there was a cop car on our street arresting someone from the white trash yellow and purple house across the street. Where the mother screams at her children, calls them foul names, says things like "I fucking hate this family," and makes sure that the entire neighborhood can hear her doing this by talking 10 octaves louder than necessary. In turn her little hellish children go around beating cars with sticks, beating up other children, cuss, and basically torture anything in nature. I can't say that I am not surprised and mildly satisfied by this news.

I did not get to attend the Celtic Festival this year and that makes me a tad bit melancholy...even though Bekah said it was kind of laamo. I had to close the bookstore on Saturday and today and I could have gone Friday, but I would not have changed Friday for the whole...it was a great day.

Bekah and I went to IKEA and I now have a full blown obsession to that place. Socialism is the way to go. Not only did we get 100+ tea candles, 4 picture frames, a chandelier, a message chalk board + chalk, an old fashioned alarm clock, and an apple slicer all for under $100, but I had chicken alfredo at their cafeteria for like $5. It's heaven there...can't wait to go again. We saw the perfect table for our hallway leading into our kitchen there...perfect! But it was still like $150 and we're going to try and make one instead of spending money we don't have. We decorated the kitchen a bit afterwards, Janeen came to help before her date, we made pizza, and then ended the night at the King's Table with Rick which just happened to be the same place my brother was having his 20 year high school reunion! Janeen and her hot date met up with us there later. It was funny and fun and I wore a nametag all night that said "Scott Jones' Little Sister" and we played pool. PERFECT DAY. Ending the night at 4AM with Fat Chicks and Party Hats is highly recommended.

Maybe tomorrow Bekah and I will decorate some more...yay! But first I have to take care of my check that was returned in the mail for a wrong address that was for insurance on my new car. So I may or may not be driving illegally right now. Then I have to go to the doctor for my follow-up to the hospital visit. I don't want to go. It's pointless. I feel better and the hospital never called me back. No news is good news. But, my mom insisted it would be for the best. Waste of $35...at least maybe I'll find out WHAT gave me my dealthy illness. Then after all of that I need to call Katy.

I have the next two days off...here's to photography!